I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just high enough for therapy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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