My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
