you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
