you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
