Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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