she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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