Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
