I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was like giving head to a cactus.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
