I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
