Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
