Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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