i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
