My first STD was from a foam party
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
