The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
