I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
