He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
