Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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