he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
