the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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