then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
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I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dick very happy bro
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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