He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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