why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
