Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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