Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
