You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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