She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
