watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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