well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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