don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
