remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ok first of all what the fuck
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
