Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
