Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
