Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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