A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
