He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
