its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
