i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
