I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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