My sheets look like a crime scene.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Boobs are out for the taking
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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