It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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