so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
