just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
