So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
