NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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