I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
