She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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