I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
