You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
