I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
