So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He felt like a one man threesome
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
