You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
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If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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