I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
