So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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