I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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