ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
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Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Two words: blizzard sex
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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