Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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