I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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